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4 is the number of years that the I loved a man. 4 is the number of weeks that I am officially alone. 4 is the number of weeks that I haven't heard from the man that I loved and still love. 4 is the number of letters that the word love has. I never thought I he would leave me just like that. I thought our relationship was a forever thing. Guess I was wrong.

When I was little I thought that someday my prince charming will find me in my castle and we will live happily ever after. When I met HIM, I thought he was the one. He promised me that he will love me forever; he will love me despite of my flaws and short comings and he will love me for who I am. I guess I was fooled. I gave him everything. I treated me the way that I knew I should treat him and I gave him my all but for him it wasn't enough. During our first year together everything was full of rainbows and love songs but as the days, months, and years  passed, everything changed. He became distant and we fought a lot. And most of the things that we fought about was little things that people in love shouldn't be fighting about. I thought it was just part of being in a relationship, it was just something that we needed to go through to get to know each other more. I thought our love for each other could surpass our differences. Again, I was wrong.

I loved him. I sill do love him but for him love is not enough. He wanted me to change. He wanted me to be someone I am not. He kept on insisting that everything was my fault. Even him getting bored in a concert that we went to despite of him agreeing to come, was my fault. He blamed me for everything bad that happened to our relationship. Everything was my fault. I was always the bad guy. I was always the one to be blamed for all the negative things that happened to our relationship. He made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him but despite this I still loved him and I still do. I feel pathetic and I pity myself for falling in love with someone who treated me like shit. I want to stop loving him. I want to hate every inch of him but I can't and I don't know why. The only thing that keeps me strong is the saying 'time heals everything.' I hope that as days pass this pain and my love for him would go away. I really hate this feeling. All I want is to be happy again. And I hope that I will be someday.. someday soon..